the ao3 scrape & writing
Sunday, May 18th, 2025 09:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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feversendMy fics got caught in the recent ao3 scrape and I wanted to put down my thoughts about it somewhere.
I spoke about it on twitter when it happened but ended up deleting a good chunk of that thread because it felt too exposed - but I also want to keep some record of my thoughts. Discourse on twitter is as momentary as it is cyclical and I myself am not very different. These days I forget things that matter far too quickly and I'd like to at least be able to recall what the hell my thoughts were like when it happened. More so because it seems inevitable that something like this will happen and keep happening in the future.
I lost my job because of a massive shift to A.I. tools within the editorial departments of my company a few months back. In the subsequent job search, I've found my options and opportunities vastly limited because of a similar drive towards A.I. in most creative sectors where I would've been employable. Suffice it to say that it has been a tough few months.
Fic is a reprieve from all of that. It's probably the most meaningful hobby I have and the most consistent habit I've stuck to in my adult life.
86 of my fics are in that dataset that was scraped. An obscene and absurd number, by all means.
I want to note why I feel terrible about it because if I spend enough time on the internet (see: subreddits about the scrape) and in the quiet of my own mind, I will have convinced myself I am overreacting.
I don't think I anything I feel could amount to an overreaction. Yes, I'm aware more or less anything I put on the internet now is susceptible to being used for training A.I. - google docs, word, pinterest, canva, there's almost no space left untouched. I also didn't assume locking my fics would guarantee anything.
Somehow no amount of rationalising makes me feel less shitty about this whole thing, though.
Even my silliest, most unserious fics include deeply personal details taken out of my own life or things important to me that perhaps can only ever make sense to me. A.I. encroaching into something I see as the only outlet and solace I have from the pathetic systems I'm forced to subsist under irl is as violative as it churning so many of my stories into a shapeless, thoughtless, dataset.
Writing consistently and writing so much is something I pride myself on. Mental illness and other circumstances have rarely allowed me to keep at something for so long and now, I somehow feel punished for having written this much. Because if I didn't have these many works to steal from, I wouldn't be looking at the number eighty fucking six.
Moreover, there is a certainty in all the discourse about it and in the general state of things that this is likely to happen again. Will most definitely happen again.
The question I am left grappling with then is do I want to continue writing and putting up my work on ao3. And I'm not looking for alternatives to ao3 here, I really don't trust any other site to have the safeguards necessary, nor do I want to shift my archive of written material.
I don't really have an answer to the question. I think about it every day and it frustrates me just as much every day. On one hand, I'm a really low-reach account. An average of 3-4 people engage with most of my fic. Low enough that I could be dming them my fics. Having to pay the cost of getting my writing stolen by A.I., then, feels really high. On the other hand, I need the money that writing commissions bring me. I really can't afford to think about my feelings regarding anything, given my current financial crisis.
And above all of that, I want to write. There are so many fic ideas I want to explore, so many wips I'm excited to write - something or the other inspires me to write every other day and I don't think take that kind of instinct lightly nor do I find it worth giving up on for anything.
All of which leaves me in a situation where I want to write and post things, still, but unable to actually do it 'cause I keep getting the ick because of the larger situation. And this isn't the kind of mental block I can think or exercise my way out of because it's not a creation of the bad recesses of my mind. It's real.
Will I post fic on ao3 again? Yeah. I don't see a way out of it.
So why this essay on the urge to not do it? Well, there's an undeniable merit to examining the reactions that have arisen in the aftermath of the scrape and to understand why anyone does anything, or why I, in this case, write and share fic.
I was hesitant about sharing this on the public community instead of my locked account because of the meandering, unprincipled (this is a self-reflection and doesn't have any bearing on anyone else's sharing of fic on ao3 at all, btw) nature of this semi-rant. But then I thought maybe other folks are feeling just as indecisive and going through the same circular loop of thinking as I am, who would read this and find a space to think/talk about it. Or maybe someone would have something to say to me, after reading this, that could give me some peace of mind.
And honestly, I always claim that the best thing ficwriting has given me is a small but real community of friends and is it really gonna do me any good to isolate myself and send these thoughts into a void, especially when the reason why I am in this rut is because of something that negates all that is genuine and human and good about writing? Of course, not. That much I'm clear on, despite being muddled on almost everything else.
I spoke about it on twitter when it happened but ended up deleting a good chunk of that thread because it felt too exposed - but I also want to keep some record of my thoughts. Discourse on twitter is as momentary as it is cyclical and I myself am not very different. These days I forget things that matter far too quickly and I'd like to at least be able to recall what the hell my thoughts were like when it happened. More so because it seems inevitable that something like this will happen and keep happening in the future.
I lost my job because of a massive shift to A.I. tools within the editorial departments of my company a few months back. In the subsequent job search, I've found my options and opportunities vastly limited because of a similar drive towards A.I. in most creative sectors where I would've been employable. Suffice it to say that it has been a tough few months.
Fic is a reprieve from all of that. It's probably the most meaningful hobby I have and the most consistent habit I've stuck to in my adult life.
86 of my fics are in that dataset that was scraped. An obscene and absurd number, by all means.
I want to note why I feel terrible about it because if I spend enough time on the internet (see: subreddits about the scrape) and in the quiet of my own mind, I will have convinced myself I am overreacting.
I don't think I anything I feel could amount to an overreaction. Yes, I'm aware more or less anything I put on the internet now is susceptible to being used for training A.I. - google docs, word, pinterest, canva, there's almost no space left untouched. I also didn't assume locking my fics would guarantee anything.
Somehow no amount of rationalising makes me feel less shitty about this whole thing, though.
Even my silliest, most unserious fics include deeply personal details taken out of my own life or things important to me that perhaps can only ever make sense to me. A.I. encroaching into something I see as the only outlet and solace I have from the pathetic systems I'm forced to subsist under irl is as violative as it churning so many of my stories into a shapeless, thoughtless, dataset.
Writing consistently and writing so much is something I pride myself on. Mental illness and other circumstances have rarely allowed me to keep at something for so long and now, I somehow feel punished for having written this much. Because if I didn't have these many works to steal from, I wouldn't be looking at the number eighty fucking six.
Moreover, there is a certainty in all the discourse about it and in the general state of things that this is likely to happen again. Will most definitely happen again.
The question I am left grappling with then is do I want to continue writing and putting up my work on ao3. And I'm not looking for alternatives to ao3 here, I really don't trust any other site to have the safeguards necessary, nor do I want to shift my archive of written material.
I don't really have an answer to the question. I think about it every day and it frustrates me just as much every day. On one hand, I'm a really low-reach account. An average of 3-4 people engage with most of my fic. Low enough that I could be dming them my fics. Having to pay the cost of getting my writing stolen by A.I., then, feels really high. On the other hand, I need the money that writing commissions bring me. I really can't afford to think about my feelings regarding anything, given my current financial crisis.
And above all of that, I want to write. There are so many fic ideas I want to explore, so many wips I'm excited to write - something or the other inspires me to write every other day and I don't think take that kind of instinct lightly nor do I find it worth giving up on for anything.
All of which leaves me in a situation where I want to write and post things, still, but unable to actually do it 'cause I keep getting the ick because of the larger situation. And this isn't the kind of mental block I can think or exercise my way out of because it's not a creation of the bad recesses of my mind. It's real.
Will I post fic on ao3 again? Yeah. I don't see a way out of it.
So why this essay on the urge to not do it? Well, there's an undeniable merit to examining the reactions that have arisen in the aftermath of the scrape and to understand why anyone does anything, or why I, in this case, write and share fic.
I was hesitant about sharing this on the public community instead of my locked account because of the meandering, unprincipled (this is a self-reflection and doesn't have any bearing on anyone else's sharing of fic on ao3 at all, btw) nature of this semi-rant. But then I thought maybe other folks are feeling just as indecisive and going through the same circular loop of thinking as I am, who would read this and find a space to think/talk about it. Or maybe someone would have something to say to me, after reading this, that could give me some peace of mind.
And honestly, I always claim that the best thing ficwriting has given me is a small but real community of friends and is it really gonna do me any good to isolate myself and send these thoughts into a void, especially when the reason why I am in this rut is because of something that negates all that is genuine and human and good about writing? Of course, not. That much I'm clear on, despite being muddled on almost everything else.
