deadwine's ao3 wrapped 2020
Wednesday, December 30th, 2020 12:01 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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feversendAre you there, sweetheart? Do you know me? Is this microphone live?
Stolen from the reading page and very late but I put it on three different to-do lists so now I have to do it. I will try to keep the writing negativity to a bare minimum which is hard for me but this is a part of learning to be a little kinder to myself so an effort will be made. As much as it pains a deeply ingrained part of me to acknowledge that I have accomplished something, I’m doing this as an exercise in future self-care, to look back on as bad brain or writing block inevitable strikes again (and again) and remember that I did and was even in terrible times.
I’ve been reading rpf for almost as long as I’ve been reading fic, lurking in fandoms and I’ve written things for my own eyes sporadically across the years. But last year was the first time I said fuck it, and actually started posting things online. It was a culmination of returning to the Yoongi/Jungkook tag, of finally allowing myself to be part of an online community instead of using social media for ‘updates’ and of course, the culmination of a year of a renewed deep dive into BTS for very personal reasons, despite being a fan since 2016.
The imposter syndrome comes knocking every time I call myself a writer but my *jazz hands* 2020 stats make a compelling argument: as of today, I have published 16 fics with a total word count of 41,882 across four fandoms (well— kind of) as opposed to last year's 7 fics making up 7720 words within one fandom. This in a year where my academic writing was around 20k from my internal assessments alone to which there were added projects and the actual exams AND writing here as well; not to mention what a trainwreck life has been, in general for me. I’m saying all of this because the desi kid in me can’t help but compare herself to those with numbers far outstripping mine and there will be days when these explanations will be palatable to me and days when they will just be excuses. But for the moment I allow myself to feel the teeniest bit proud and grateful for all the reasons I am here.
Works posted: 16
Fandoms: BTS, SEVENTEEN, EXO, PENTAGON
Total Word Count: 41,882
So, chronologically:
where would the end of this waiting be
Jungkook/Mingyu (bts/svt crossover), 2.3k
Commentary: I wrote this for a couple of /very/ Jungkook-centric BBB prompts (loving it and realising you’re the only one, believing the myth, etc) and it was a pleasant surprise to me when the end product was so..heartfelt. Hard not to want to capture that feeling when your main pairing is so open-hearted. The Jungkook and Mingyu brain worms had been building up for a good couple of months but it was when SVT landed up at New York for OTY just days after BTS were there for New Year’s Eve that something clicked for me.
Favourite line:
honey, you're familiar like my mirror years ago
Jungkook/Seokjin/Yoongi (bts), 2.1k
Commentary: Another BBB fic that came out soft and hazy though this one was intentional, written as a gift fic for a friend as well as for Yoongi, mellow and in need of self-assurance. I loved writing this because Yoonjinkook is /my/ ot3 in BTS but I had never really been able to convey why I felt they worked so well through fic until this. Writing three instead of two was also something I made a conscious choice to ease into by making one of the characters absent and linked to the rest through a phone call. This was also a moment of realising I can do Yoongi POVs actually.
Favourite line:
you want a hot body? you better work bitch
Jungkook/Taehyung/Yoongi (bts), 2.7k
This fic was...ridiculously fun to write. I wrote it on my first day back home, right before lockdown was imposed here and it happened in the spur of the moment— Honey was moderating the Taegikook fest and asked me to write for it, I had a HimboHive bingo card to fill and I recalled having a lengthy conversation with Honey on dms about Taegi drooling over Jungkook at the gym. My prompts included ‘public displays of thottiness’, ‘multiple piercings’ and ‘gray sweatpants’ and I just let the clip of Taegi lifting weights together and the influx of Jungkook's gym selfies guide me to write the horniest thing I have written yet.
Favourite line:
Would It Really Kill You If We Kissed?
The Raven Cycle AU Series (multifandom), 5k
I think the idea to do this came to me by fluke— I had totally forgotten about Yoonkook week and would be okay with but there was a discord server, and a conversation with Summer and another friend’s birthday and she happened to be the first TRC fan I met in a kpop fandom so I decided to do something alone the lines of a TRC AU Yoonkook. But when I decided upon playing on a specific scene from the series— the one that sparked that Maggi vs Halsey mini-feud on whether Drive by Halsey would be appropriate for this part of canon— I was already certain I wanted to do something… more and so I ended up with this frame: a drive, a journey in the middle of the night and two people, at least one of whom was cursed to kill with a kiss. These bare bones I built over differently across three fics:
1. the autumn night is long (only in name)
Jungkook/Yoongi (bts), 1.5k
Commentary: This is the one closest to the scene from the source text, both in the bitterness of the tone and the background details of the characters: Jungkook is based off of Blue and Yoongi is the most Gansey-like among all the characters in the series who play the foil to the cursed one. It did pain me a little to write him as the ‘rich kid’— Namjoon might be an easier Gansey to write, in retrospect— but I tried to offset that by making it HYYH-ish, nature metaphors, fire and the sea.
Favourite line:
2. ships in the night, night, night
Hansol/Seokmin (svt), 1.8k
Commentary: SEOKSOL, I have so much tenderness stored in me for this pair and one day I will let it all out, not just in a trc au writing exercise thingy. This one is as different from the Yoonkook as can be because I wanted to write a happier Blue, a love that thrives on intimacies more mundane and so it doesn’t necessarily feel cursed or tragic. Plus, I can’t make myself write angsty Seoksol. Not yet, anyway.
Favourite line:
3. kiss it better
Jimin/Jeonghan (bts/svt crossover), 1.6k
Commentary: This one feels like an outlier, and with good reason: I wrote it months after I wrote the first two a sudden spark of inspiration as Libra season hit— I did know it was going to be a crossover fic beforehand. I had never written either of these characters before, even as side characters so there was quite a lot of apprehension on how to approach them. Jimin slipped into Blue’s shoes unexpectedly easy. The description of Blue on the Raven cycle wiki page as “sarcastic, very opinionated, adventurous, independent, and most of all sensible, despite her best efforts to be otherwise” felt almost like a reading of certain characteristics of Jimin that catch my eye most often. Jeonghan’s character turned out the way it did because of an excessive reading of Blue/Kavinsky fics right and looping Rihanna’s Stay and Love on the Brain while writing it...also the image of biker Jeonghan was too sexy to pass up.
Favourite line:
left and right (then what should we do, not running is an answer to)
Jungkook/Seokjin (bts), 5.2k
Commentary: I already did it here but there is such a thrill to writing a sentient door, I don’t know what else to call it. This is a world that I maybe want to keep and to build, not just because all the crossover possibilities are right up my alley (Mingyu/Jimin? Chansoo/Yoongi?) but I had been wanting to do an outside of canon-verse Producer Jungkook exploration and it would be interesting to write that, maybe as a genfic.
Favourite Line:
Jungkook/Mingyu (bts/svt crossover), 1.5k
Commentary: Another sensory prompt fic— 'the feeling of fingers brushing together by accident'— and it was wonderful to return to Gyukook and find that it had gotten easier to write them. I also discovered the possibilities of coworkers, producers Jihoon and Jungkook, maybe also childhood friends if the story allows; I’m certainly going to delve into this further.
Favourite line:
these are the lives you love to lead
Jungkook/Seokmin (bts/svt crossover), 15k
Commentary: This is my giant labour of love for the emobts fest so I’ve already spoken about it at length here. There are a lot of things I have thought about doing different retrospectively and for a short period right after I wrote it I hated this fic but I’m neither going to put down the negative thoughts here nor think about that period. This is the longest, most weighty thing I have written and a lot of labour has gone into this Jungkook and Seokmin. I’m incredulous even today that I managed to write this myself and put it out.
Favourite line:
you be the hero, now i'll be the monster
Seungcheol/Seokmin (svt), flashfic: 983 words
Commentary: This fic, man, where do I even start? There was the infamous thigh biting tweet and the do vampires ask for permission when they come tweet but I never considered I would be the one to write them until the Supernatural themed round for Snapshots where I went...huh- what if? Even then, I had never written a smut fic before— the Jinkook had a short, quick section that took me a considerable length of time to put down and the Taegikook was horny but it didn’t actualy have a sex scene. I had the line Seokmin doesn’t know how to say no to the people he loves on a doc with a few meandering lines that could be rehashed and the minute I decided it would be vampires I had thought of Richard Siken and Ocean Vuong but the actual writing happened to the tune of Hush by Miss A on repeat; that song would become the soundtrack for all explicit sexual content I was going to write after this. For this, all I knew was that I didn’t want it to be a fic about dominance or ‘giving up’ control but about the pull of submission. Janice randomly shared this Ask Polly while I was writing and it really helped me streamline what I was trying to capture. It’s a fic I look back on with so much pride, the prose alien to anything I’ve written.
Favourite line:
fast pace
Mingyu/Jeonghan (svt), flashfic: 814 words
Commentary: Gyuhan isn’t really a pair whose dynamics I have given a lot of thought to but this happened super quick. Maybe it was Peaches’ endless hq posting on the tl, maybe it was the folks mulling over their sports fest wips whatever be the reason the line about sport as foreplay came to me and I just knew it had to be Jeonghan. Making Mingyu the counterpart allowed me to touch upon their back and forth— competitiveness and tenderness— while working with a POV I knew how to work with. My sports in Korea knowledge is all heavily reliant on Weightlighting Fairy Kim Bok Joo but I decided to stick to track just to be safe I wouldn’t mess up the metaphors. I quite like this one, makes me want to write more Gyuhan as teammates and rivals in love.
Favourite line:
come closer (i'll let you meet a slightly different me)
Seokmin/Changgu (svt/ptg crossover), 1.2k
Commentary: I promised myself if I was to write PTG fic on getting back into it after more than a year it it had to be Wooyan but there I was puttering around a [redacted] WIP and made the mistake of reading Carina’s Jaehyun/Mingyu. There was a bout of instant insanity and the writing and posting of this fic happened within three hours, give or take. Besides going from I don’t think writing sex is my thing to Have you ever thought about motor-boating Yeo-one sunbaenim, what I wanted to draw out of the Seokmin/Changgu similarities was the difference between niceness and kindness, and the freedom to let go when someone who understood that distinction allowed you to. The rest of it was pure filth save for my newfound desire to more write slutty bffs seokgyu verses.
Favourite line:
drove my coat home
Jungkook/Yoongi (bts), 1.7k
Commentary: This was for the Yoonkook Secret Santa so it’s very recent but I didn’t want to leave this out. It felt strange writing Yoonkook after having gone so long without writing one. I had convinced myself I was terrible at writing Yoonkook and my prompt was so, so fluffy I just couldn’t get myself going. Ultimately it took Jungkook stepping out of the car, some wonderful Nikki Giovanni poetry and People from D-2 to get me going which is so bizarre because I am only just finding myself able to listen to D-2 again after that first listen when it dropped because of...reasons that I’m not getting into in this space. It was fulfilling, in a way, because I got to further my Producer Jungkook agenda in a pairing where it would become an inverted trope if Yoongi’s character was to be an idol.
Favourite line:
I’m leaving out two of the fics in my textures collection because I’m hoping to add more fics and make a cohesive-ish series.
Summary:
2021 Goals:
Honestly, there’s so many WIPS I’m carrying over from 2020 that I barely have space in my brain to add more goals. 17hols is ongoing and that has already shoved aside everything else right now. Full-fledged classes are starting and that scares me into thinking that my year of writing will remain just that: a year. I do want to bite the bullet and at least try putting down my Big, Scary Plot-Heavy ideas. Maybe they will never materialise into fic, I don’t know about that. I do want to try to think thematically for a story instead of doing my usual intuitive on-the-fly writing that mostly tends to what the ‘feel’ of the story should be. There is, however, one project I’ve been thinking of for over a year and a half and I’m hoping to do that in January. If it happens, I’ll come back here to scream about it.
Thank you for listening to my bullshit all year, I’m eternally grateful and humbled by it. Feel free to ask me for a playlist as a thank you gift! I love that stuff!
Stolen from the reading page and very late but I put it on three different to-do lists so now I have to do it. I will try to keep the writing negativity to a bare minimum which is hard for me but this is a part of learning to be a little kinder to myself so an effort will be made. As much as it pains a deeply ingrained part of me to acknowledge that I have accomplished something, I’m doing this as an exercise in future self-care, to look back on as bad brain or writing block inevitable strikes again (and again) and remember that I did and was even in terrible times.
I’ve been reading rpf for almost as long as I’ve been reading fic, lurking in fandoms and I’ve written things for my own eyes sporadically across the years. But last year was the first time I said fuck it, and actually started posting things online. It was a culmination of returning to the Yoongi/Jungkook tag, of finally allowing myself to be part of an online community instead of using social media for ‘updates’ and of course, the culmination of a year of a renewed deep dive into BTS for very personal reasons, despite being a fan since 2016.
The imposter syndrome comes knocking every time I call myself a writer but my *jazz hands* 2020 stats make a compelling argument: as of today, I have published 16 fics with a total word count of 41,882 across four fandoms (well— kind of) as opposed to last year's 7 fics making up 7720 words within one fandom. This in a year where my academic writing was around 20k from my internal assessments alone to which there were added projects and the actual exams AND writing here as well; not to mention what a trainwreck life has been, in general for me. I’m saying all of this because the desi kid in me can’t help but compare herself to those with numbers far outstripping mine and there will be days when these explanations will be palatable to me and days when they will just be excuses. But for the moment I allow myself to feel the teeniest bit proud and grateful for all the reasons I am here.
Works posted: 16
Fandoms: BTS, SEVENTEEN, EXO, PENTAGON
Total Word Count: 41,882
So, chronologically:
where would the end of this waiting be
Jungkook/Mingyu (bts/svt crossover), 2.3k
Commentary: I wrote this for a couple of /very/ Jungkook-centric BBB prompts (loving it and realising you’re the only one, believing the myth, etc) and it was a pleasant surprise to me when the end product was so..heartfelt. Hard not to want to capture that feeling when your main pairing is so open-hearted. The Jungkook and Mingyu brain worms had been building up for a good couple of months but it was when SVT landed up at New York for OTY just days after BTS were there for New Year’s Eve that something clicked for me.
Favourite line:
Mingyu is soft and compliant and stubborn and taciturn and Jungkook can't box him into words, can't put him in a song without it feeling too little, not enough words to encapsulate something that could have, should have, by all means tired him out by now; he's never done well with rules anyway.
honey, you're familiar like my mirror years ago
Jungkook/Seokjin/Yoongi (bts), 2.1k
Commentary: Another BBB fic that came out soft and hazy though this one was intentional, written as a gift fic for a friend as well as for Yoongi, mellow and in need of self-assurance. I loved writing this because Yoonjinkook is /my/ ot3 in BTS but I had never really been able to convey why I felt they worked so well through fic until this. Writing three instead of two was also something I made a conscious choice to ease into by making one of the characters absent and linked to the rest through a phone call. This was also a moment of realising I can do Yoongi POVs actually.
Favourite line:
For once he isn't uneasy that their bodies seem to work around each other on instinct and habit, that they seek out what is desired even when the two of them are still, despite all the years and everything in between, so hesitant to give in.
you want a hot body? you better work bitch
Jungkook/Taehyung/Yoongi (bts), 2.7k
This fic was...ridiculously fun to write. I wrote it on my first day back home, right before lockdown was imposed here and it happened in the spur of the moment— Honey was moderating the Taegikook fest and asked me to write for it, I had a HimboHive bingo card to fill and I recalled having a lengthy conversation with Honey on dms about Taegi drooling over Jungkook at the gym. My prompts included ‘public displays of thottiness’, ‘multiple piercings’ and ‘gray sweatpants’ and I just let the clip of Taegi lifting weights together and the influx of Jungkook's gym selfies guide me to write the horniest thing I have written yet.
Favourite line:
Jungkook had lifted his goddamn shirt, looking down at his abs like he was trying to assess if they deserved the praise; nodding when he was satisfied and slapping Taehyung on the chest with a "thanks hyung, good workout" before walking out.
Would It Really Kill You If We Kissed?
The Raven Cycle AU Series (multifandom), 5k
I think the idea to do this came to me by fluke— I had totally forgotten about Yoonkook week and would be okay with but there was a discord server, and a conversation with Summer and another friend’s birthday and she happened to be the first TRC fan I met in a kpop fandom so I decided to do something alone the lines of a TRC AU Yoonkook. But when I decided upon playing on a specific scene from the series— the one that sparked that Maggi vs Halsey mini-feud on whether Drive by Halsey would be appropriate for this part of canon— I was already certain I wanted to do something… more and so I ended up with this frame: a drive, a journey in the middle of the night and two people, at least one of whom was cursed to kill with a kiss. These bare bones I built over differently across three fics:
1. the autumn night is long (only in name)
Jungkook/Yoongi (bts), 1.5k
Commentary: This is the one closest to the scene from the source text, both in the bitterness of the tone and the background details of the characters: Jungkook is based off of Blue and Yoongi is the most Gansey-like among all the characters in the series who play the foil to the cursed one. It did pain me a little to write him as the ‘rich kid’— Namjoon might be an easier Gansey to write, in retrospect— but I tried to offset that by making it HYYH-ish, nature metaphors, fire and the sea.
Favourite line:
He plays that old memory so many times, behind the screen of his eyelids, over and over again till even his halmeoni is frayed at the edges; the memory an old film covered with scratches that stops every few seconds, waiting for the audience to fill in what they had once known but now are struggling not to forget.
2. ships in the night, night, night
Hansol/Seokmin (svt), 1.8k
Commentary: SEOKSOL, I have so much tenderness stored in me for this pair and one day I will let it all out, not just in a trc au writing exercise thingy. This one is as different from the Yoonkook as can be because I wanted to write a happier Blue, a love that thrives on intimacies more mundane and so it doesn’t necessarily feel cursed or tragic. Plus, I can’t make myself write angsty Seoksol. Not yet, anyway.
Favourite line:
Hansol loves nights like this- Seokmin's voice ringing across all that he can see, enveloping them from the loneliness that the dark carries- soft but strong and so, so beautiful; Hansol could never tire of it.
3. kiss it better
Jimin/Jeonghan (bts/svt crossover), 1.6k
Commentary: This one feels like an outlier, and with good reason: I wrote it months after I wrote the first two a sudden spark of inspiration as Libra season hit— I did know it was going to be a crossover fic beforehand. I had never written either of these characters before, even as side characters so there was quite a lot of apprehension on how to approach them. Jimin slipped into Blue’s shoes unexpectedly easy. The description of Blue on the Raven cycle wiki page as “sarcastic, very opinionated, adventurous, independent, and most of all sensible, despite her best efforts to be otherwise” felt almost like a reading of certain characteristics of Jimin that catch my eye most often. Jeonghan’s character turned out the way it did because of an excessive reading of Blue/Kavinsky fics right and looping Rihanna’s Stay and Love on the Brain while writing it...also the image of biker Jeonghan was too sexy to pass up.
Favourite line:
Loving Jimin is like looking into a mirror in the fleeting moments when the body staring back at him isn’t a nightmare.
left and right (then what should we do, not running is an answer to)
Jungkook/Seokjin (bts), 5.2k
Commentary: I already did it here but there is such a thrill to writing a sentient door, I don’t know what else to call it. This is a world that I maybe want to keep and to build, not just because all the crossover possibilities are right up my alley (Mingyu/Jimin? Chansoo/Yoongi?) but I had been wanting to do an outside of canon-verse Producer Jungkook exploration and it would be interesting to write that, maybe as a genfic.
Favourite Line:
“You did! You said something right now!”
Jungkook scowls. “No, I didn’t. I’m sitting here in silence watching you try to storm out in the middle of my confession- which, great job leaving, by the way.”
Seokjin huffs and grabs the handle with intent, pulling at it with his full strength.
You really think i’m about to let you leave your boyfriend like that?
Seokjin screams and stubs his foot into the door.
Jihoon/Chanyeol (svt/exo crossover), 1.4k
Commentary: I didn’t write for two months and came back with the help of the sensory prompts that were floating around. I posted most of them on twitter but Isi prompted me Hoonyeol— of course she did— and ‘your bed after travelling’. I had this vivid image of Jihoon, in Chanyeol’s bed after having spent a weekend away with Chanyeol feeling torn up about how at home he feels, how he knows the room, the bed and its inhabitant like the back of his hand and Chanyeol, unaware and forthright and waiting with both arms open.
Favourite line:
Jihoon feels more awake then he’s been all evening, even on the car ride back home he’d been nodding off but now he watches the moonlight piercing through the thin curtains fall on Chanyeol’s hair, roots growing out under the bleach. Jihoon wants to run his hands through it, Jihoon wants to look away- from the hair, the tiny crease on his forehead, the way his fingers curl around the comforter at his waist.
the scent of this night is carried upon the wind
Jungkook/Mingyu (bts/svt crossover), 1.5k
Commentary: Another sensory prompt fic— 'the feeling of fingers brushing together by accident'— and it was wonderful to return to Gyukook and find that it had gotten easier to write them. I also discovered the possibilities of coworkers, producers Jihoon and Jungkook, maybe also childhood friends if the story allows; I’m certainly going to delve into this further.
Favourite line:
"Earth to Kim Mingyu?" Jihoon calls out and the bastard smirks at him, when Mingyu tears his eyes away from that man with a hum.
"Are you done drooling, so I can actually introduce you to him?
these are the lives you love to lead
Jungkook/Seokmin (bts/svt crossover), 15k
Commentary: This is my giant labour of love for the emobts fest so I’ve already spoken about it at length here. There are a lot of things I have thought about doing different retrospectively and for a short period right after I wrote it I hated this fic but I’m neither going to put down the negative thoughts here nor think about that period. This is the longest, most weighty thing I have written and a lot of labour has gone into this Jungkook and Seokmin. I’m incredulous even today that I managed to write this myself and put it out.
Favourite line:
This is what makes Busan special. It’s the only place with venues on its beaches and Jungkook’s earliest memories of rock are of the sound of their amateur, shy Pia covers and the smell of the sea, of the beat of the drums interplaying with the intervals of the waves. Jungkook loves the ocean as much as he loves the stage, maybe more- the stage is a fickle friend. The sea is unwavering in lapping up to his shore.
you be the hero, now i'll be the monster
Seungcheol/Seokmin (svt), flashfic: 983 words
Commentary: This fic, man, where do I even start? There was the infamous thigh biting tweet and the do vampires ask for permission when they come tweet but I never considered I would be the one to write them until the Supernatural themed round for Snapshots where I went...huh- what if? Even then, I had never written a smut fic before— the Jinkook had a short, quick section that took me a considerable length of time to put down and the Taegikook was horny but it didn’t actualy have a sex scene. I had the line Seokmin doesn’t know how to say no to the people he loves on a doc with a few meandering lines that could be rehashed and the minute I decided it would be vampires I had thought of Richard Siken and Ocean Vuong but the actual writing happened to the tune of Hush by Miss A on repeat; that song would become the soundtrack for all explicit sexual content I was going to write after this. For this, all I knew was that I didn’t want it to be a fic about dominance or ‘giving up’ control but about the pull of submission. Janice randomly shared this Ask Polly while I was writing and it really helped me streamline what I was trying to capture. It’s a fic I look back on with so much pride, the prose alien to anything I’ve written.
Favourite line:
Seungcheol calls himself unmade and yet he stitches Seokmin together even as he renders him nameless, night after night; a trickle of bare honesty dripping onto his flesh from Seungcheol’s lips and bruises blooming like flowers across the canvas of his skin.
Could a monster create something so flawed and sincere: the thing that Seokmin becomes when he’s with Seungcheol?
fast pace
Mingyu/Jeonghan (svt), flashfic: 814 words
Commentary: Gyuhan isn’t really a pair whose dynamics I have given a lot of thought to but this happened super quick. Maybe it was Peaches’ endless hq posting on the tl, maybe it was the folks mulling over their sports fest wips whatever be the reason the line about sport as foreplay came to me and I just knew it had to be Jeonghan. Making Mingyu the counterpart allowed me to touch upon their back and forth— competitiveness and tenderness— while working with a POV I knew how to work with. My sports in Korea knowledge is all heavily reliant on Weightlighting Fairy Kim Bok Joo but I decided to stick to track just to be safe I wouldn’t mess up the metaphors. I quite like this one, makes me want to write more Gyuhan as teammates and rivals in love.
Favourite line:
Mingyu had struggled to put his finger on it, why butting heads with Yoon Jeonghan had felt like an invisible hand tightening its grip around his neck, thumb on his pulse point; but now he knows.
It's the purest form of foreplay: sport.
come closer (i'll let you meet a slightly different me)
Seokmin/Changgu (svt/ptg crossover), 1.2k
Commentary: I promised myself if I was to write PTG fic on getting back into it after more than a year it it had to be Wooyan but there I was puttering around a [redacted] WIP and made the mistake of reading Carina’s Jaehyun/Mingyu. There was a bout of instant insanity and the writing and posting of this fic happened within three hours, give or take. Besides going from I don’t think writing sex is my thing to Have you ever thought about motor-boating Yeo-one sunbaenim, what I wanted to draw out of the Seokmin/Changgu similarities was the difference between niceness and kindness, and the freedom to let go when someone who understood that distinction allowed you to. The rest of it was pure filth save for my newfound desire to more write slutty bffs seokgyu verses.
Favourite line:
Sometimes people can only really be their honest selves with a mouth on their dick or with a dick in their mouth.
drove my coat home
Jungkook/Yoongi (bts), 1.7k
Commentary: This was for the Yoonkook Secret Santa so it’s very recent but I didn’t want to leave this out. It felt strange writing Yoonkook after having gone so long without writing one. I had convinced myself I was terrible at writing Yoonkook and my prompt was so, so fluffy I just couldn’t get myself going. Ultimately it took Jungkook stepping out of the car, some wonderful Nikki Giovanni poetry and People from D-2 to get me going which is so bizarre because I am only just finding myself able to listen to D-2 again after that first listen when it dropped because of...reasons that I’m not getting into in this space. It was fulfilling, in a way, because I got to further my Producer Jungkook agenda in a pairing where it would become an inverted trope if Yoongi’s character was to be an idol.
Favourite line:
But he doesn't miss it, not when he's actively listening for it and the lack of a jacket does nothing to prevent the heat rising to his cheeks, the sole admission he makes to having heard Yoongi loud and clear. He's only good at this game as long as he's the one on the other end; he's always been a little helpless at receiving kindness with grace.
I’m leaving out two of the fics in my textures collection because I’m hoping to add more fics and make a cohesive-ish series.
Summary:
- Good god this one can talk a lot for someone who claims to not put any thought into their writing.
- This was supposed to be a fic review but this became less about the themes and aspects of my writing and more about the period and process of writing itself?
- I think I’m..not bad at writing shorter fiction, the more sensory kind that focuses on intimate-details?
- Writing sex means dealing with a million logistics holy shit.
- Thank fuck I read poetry like I breathed this year, for all the creative fuel.
- Even more creative fuel came from fics and fic writers and their fun brains and kindness.
- Shout out to online friendships, hand-holders and that tiny group of people that replies to my random slaps two random kpop boys together vs this poem is making me feel things posts regularly and hypes up any two sentences my brain strings together, I truly honestly, really couldn’t have done this without that kind of support but more on that later. (Yes, I still have more left to talk about in this godforsaken year, how about that?)
- Special Mention: Hush by Miss A and Love Me Right by EXO for funky porn writing juices.
2021 Goals:
Honestly, there’s so many WIPS I’m carrying over from 2020 that I barely have space in my brain to add more goals. 17hols is ongoing and that has already shoved aside everything else right now. Full-fledged classes are starting and that scares me into thinking that my year of writing will remain just that: a year. I do want to bite the bullet and at least try putting down my Big, Scary Plot-Heavy ideas. Maybe they will never materialise into fic, I don’t know about that. I do want to try to think thematically for a story instead of doing my usual intuitive on-the-fly writing that mostly tends to what the ‘feel’ of the story should be. There is, however, one project I’ve been thinking of for over a year and a half and I’m hoping to do that in January. If it happens, I’ll come back here to scream about it.
Thank you for listening to my bullshit all year, I’m eternally grateful and humbled by it. Feel free to ask me for a playlist as a thank you gift! I love that stuff!
